META CEO DONATES “Move Fast and Break Things” TAGLINE TO NEW TRUMP ADMINISTRATION

Tagline will appear on $100 bill and all official White House memorabilia, inspires revised motto for presidential seal: “E Unum Pluribus”

Amazon founder follows suit, donates Washington Post tagline “Riveting Storytelling for All of America” as official motto of the White House Press Office

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WASHINGTON D.C. – January 23, 2025: The Trump Administration today announced that Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has donated the Facebook tagline “Move Fast & Break Things” to the new Trump Administration for as long as they want it, at least until the president runs for re-election in 2028. In addition, to ensure a unified national message, President Trump will re-license the tagline to the Republican Party, for a $2 billion payment in Trump coin.

Every Executive Order issued by the president will be watermarked with the new motto. Also, in keeping with the the spirit of the new tagline and presidential philosophy, the current motto on the U.S. Presidential Seal of “E Pluribus Unum” (out of many, one) will be revised to “E Unum Pluribus” (out of one, many), to reflect the Administration’s promise to rally a divided country against Liberal elites and the terrible scourge of falling crime rates, rising wages and employment, growing GDP, falling inflation, and economic fairness.

“The broken Democrat system of totalitarian, socialist, communist, woke dictatorship is so broken that we need to move as swiftly as we can to smash every last vestige of what came before our reign,” said co-president Elon Musk. “Zuckerberg got on the bandwagon late, but better late than never. As Peter Thiel’s slogan for PayPal goes, ‘It’s the safer easier way to pay.’”

The new Treasury Department spokesman Rich Cashbrick, who took office on January 21, announced that the Administration’s new motto would begin appearing on U.S. currency immediately in place of the current motto “In God We Trust.” The roll out will start immediately with the $100 bill and then move sequentially through lower paper denominations, with the exception of U.S. coins, which are too small to break anything important.

“Currency is one of the world’s most honest modes of communication and branding,” said Cashbrick. “It’s about time we had a motto that reflected the true utility function of money. And since bigger money does more breaking, it’s fitting to start with the $100 bill.”

As part of the rebranding effort, First Lady Melania Trump has commissioned two new sets of porcelain dinner china, one with the new tagline and one with the new Presidential Seal emblazoned in the center. The new dinnerware will be porcelain because it makes a wonderful shattering noise when thrown across the room, as will be the new custom at the end of every White House official dinner, in celebration of breaking with outmoded political traditions.

“We have to get away from the idea that any consensus is good for America, especially consensus involving our enemies, which is wrong for America,” said Senator Tad Hissyfits (R-TX), who leads the new Administration’s legislative majority in Congress. “It has been the goal of the Republican Party, at least since the 1990s, to move as quickly as possible to break government and it took us 30 years but we finally got there. We’re honored that the president has let us purchase his slogan so that we can march in lockstep with his agenda. Hail Caesar.”

As a follow up to the Zuckerberg donation, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos donated his new tagline for the Washington Post “Riveting Storytelling for All of America,” which has been accepted as the motto for the White House press office, and will be re-licensed by the White House to FOX News for $1B paid in Trump Coin.

“Having FOX News and The Washington Post and the White House Press office all sharing our tagline is really an honor. Not even Murdoch could get that done,” said Bezos. “It’s one of the best ways I can think of to unite a divided country. President Trump really knows how to put on a show. We could learn a lot from him. Hail Caesar.”

For the announcement, Mark Zuckerberg connected digitally from his private flotilla of recreational vessels in the South Pacific, as he Xitted, “Suck it Musk. Psyche. Too bad you and Tesla don’t have a decent tagline to offer. Take your Built for Safety and shove it. Drive the Future? I got your future right here. Let’s go shopping for gold chains.”

OpenAI’s Sam Altman offered $1 trillion in Trump Coin for the privilege of using the motto as the tagline for all OpenAI’s corporate purposes in perpetuity, which is currently under review by the White House. “It’s looking like they’re experts at breaking things without remorse or accountability,” said White House spokesman Will Deportibunch. “Anyone who's on board with that agenda is OK by us.”

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